WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden was loaded onto a convenient death cart Wednesday despite protests that he was not yet deceased. Witnesses claim the president wriggled a bit in the grip of Vice President Kamala Harris as she insisted he was pretty much as good as dead and attempted to load him onto the cart.

The following article was written by Adam Wilson and first published on 100 Percent Fed Up: LOL! Internet Users Troll Google... Make Area Where Biden Fell Off His Bike A Historic Location... You’ll LOVE What They Named It Last month, President Biden went viral after a bike ride where he was caught on video taking a spill. The […] To read the entire article, click here: LOL! Internet Users Troll Google... Make Area Where Biden Fell Off His Bike A Historic Location... You’ll LOVE What They Named It

SPACE — This week, NASA unveiled photos of distant galaxy clusters now visible from the world's most powerful telescope. After seeing the images, millions have reported an uncontrollable urge to praise whoever may have created such a majestic, expansive universe.

Guns are scary. This is a fact. They commit terrible crimes of their own accord, without any kind of input from an evil human being at all. But it's important to know the facts about guns, since we live in a society. The post Scary But True Facts About Firearms appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

U.S.—A disturbing report from the DOJ has revealed that up to 50,000 wives go missing each year in Cracker Barrel's country store, never to be seen again. This phenomenon has been occurring for decades but is only just now coming to light.  The post Alarming Report Indicates Up To 50,000 Wives Go Missing Each Year In Cracker Barrel Store appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

Elon Musk accused Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of flirting with him after she raged that his purchase of Twitter had stoked hate crimes. 'Stop hitting on me, I'm really shy,' he wrote.

HEAVEN—According to sources, the Angel Gabriel has been fielding a barrage of criticism lately aimed at the Almighty God for assigning the gender of every living creature on Earth at conception.   The post God Criticized For Assigning Gender At Conception appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

SNOWY PURSUIT: A skier tried to shoo away a grouse off a ski run in British Columbia. Instead of flying off, the bird began to aggressively chase her down the slope.

Are you smart enough to spot the difference between a quote from the Vice President, and a muppet from Sesame Street?! Only the smartest, keenest of minds are able to discern the difference between a quote from Kamala Harris or Elmo. The post Who Said It: Vice President Kamala Harris Or Elmo? appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

WASHINGTON, D.C—The Senate has passed legislation that would make daylight savings time permanent. This decision has garnered bipartisan support but has run into a slight hiccup as congresswoman AOC has objected, stating we must continue to set our clocks twice a year. The post AOC To Vote Against Making Daylight Savings Permanent, Saying Americans Consume Too Much Sunlight Already appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

KYIV, UKRAINE—In a shocking move likely to intensify the threat of nuclear war, President Zelensky took the unprecedented step of asking Congress to send Florida-Georgia Line to play a concert for Russian troops. The post In Massive Escalation, Zelensky Requests America Send Florida-Georgia Line To Play Concert For Russian Soldiers appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

The Monty Python icon, 82,  was riffing with other comics in front of the crowd in Texas when he talked about the 'competition' between cultures over who has been more oppressed.

'I take off five or six a day from our different pumps'

OTTAWA—Justin Trudeau has faced heavy criticism this week after allowing a strain of Freedom to spread through the Great White North. The Canadian Prime Minister addressed the nation on Tuesday to calm the fears of his adoring constituents, informing them he needed just two weeks to slow the spread of "world-annihilating freedom." The post Trudeau Explains He Just Needs Two Weeks To Slow The Spread Of Freedom appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

A TikTok video showing a police car getting towed in New Zealand has gone viral online. The footage is believed to be from Wellington, where a Covid protest has reached its tenth day.

I've been watching football for a considerable amount of time -- the last three hours, more specifically -- and something doesn't quite add up for me. The post Why Don't The Players Just Run Around Everyone? -- Op-Ed By Your Wife appeared first on The Babylon Bee .

'Stars like Joe Rogan who just wing it and make it up as they go along'

'Biden is a damp sock puppet in human form'